Thursday, September 06, 2007

13 Ways Women Sabotage Finding Love Again

So it's time to start dating again ... or is it? You think dating again is what you "should be" doing, but perhaps you're just not ready. Here is a list of the top 13 things women could do to potentially sabotage the starting over process.

1. Carrying too big a list.
While it's important to make sure that a potential partner shares important values, when a woman becomes overly protective of her heart, she may also become overly judgmental of a man. If she has not taken the time to heal her past, her checklist will disqualify her suitors.

2. Associating dating with sex.
Because she worries that she will be pressured into intimate relations, a woman is likely to avoid the situation completely. The wisdom is, "Date around, don't sleep around." Avoid the fear of getting hurt by saying "no" to sex, but not to dating.

3. Glorifying the past.
The tendency to compare each new opportunity often keeps a woman from moving forward.

4. Staying stuck in grief.
Holding on to her pain will keep her both safe and alone.

5.Not giving ourselves permission to love again.
The awful feeling that we are betraying our partner, especially if they have passed away, is one way that women close themselves off. She must recognize that letting go of her pain does not mean she has stopped loving him, but rather that she is able to feel the love.

6. Sleeping around.
Sometimes when women are starting over after painful loss, they're trying to repair low self-esteem caused by rejection from previous lack of affection.

7. Expecting immediate passion.
If she is expecting the earth to shake right away, and it doesn't, she may be turned off. In fact, the red flag should wave when she does feel intense attraction right away. She's responding to her idea of what his guy is like, not the reality.

8. Maintaining unrealistic expectations or over-romanticizing.
Between movies and romance novels, a woman may have the idea that a "real man" will come along if she waits.

9. Attracting the wrong type.
Because she is holding on to unresolved hurt from past relationships, she attracts people that repeat the pattern.

10. Focusing on the negative.
By remaining stuck in negative feelings about the potential hurt of past relationships, a woman convinces herself not to bother trying.

11. Becoming overly self-sufficient.
When she disconnects from her needs, and sends out the message that she doesn't need help, she is sabotaging her ability to attract a man into her life. Having needs is not the same as being needy.

12. Taking on too much.
Losing herself in taking care of others, and putting the needs of her family before her own. These are all additional ways women close off availability.

13. Fear to start over.
Afraid to move on and let go of the strongholds that's keeping them to get out there and start over.

Just get out there! It's time for you now. Move forward with careful thought and understanding about what you need. Realize that the mistakes and losses of the past are actually badges of wisdom to carry into your new life.

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11:47 AM |


At 2:50 PM, Anonymous MissMeliss said........
Excellent list - helpful and informative.

At 2:55 PM, Blogger Gattina said........
Very good list, except one point a normal man cannot date without sex maybe some 50 years ago ! I never met one, sooner or later they all wanted sex ! And later means a few hours, lol !

At 3:11 PM, Anonymous Emmyrose said........
Thanks missmeliss :)

That's very true gatina :)

At 3:13 PM, Blogger Robin said........
Good list :). Thankfully I'm not in the dating arena, but if I was this would be great advice.

At 6:14 PM, Anonymous Xakara said........
Great list. I've never had to go through it, but I've watched others and you hit some wonderful points.


At 8:15 PM, Blogger Lori said........
I'm so glad I don't have to date..married for 15years!

At 8:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said........
Happy TT from an engineer in training who wants to be a writer...

At 12:16 AM, Blogger erin said........
I think #1 is really important. Mr. Perfect doesn't exist, but Mr. Almost Perfect just might!

At 12:56 AM, Blogger Lori said........
OMG.....what an awesome list. I do a blog on singleparenting...would you mind if I use this?? I will give you full credit???

At 1:15 AM, Anonymous WorksForMom said........
This is indeed quite a good thought out list!

At 3:05 AM, Anonymous Mama Pajama said........
Great list, and advice.

At 3:32 AM, Blogger miss kurdapya said........
hahaha! korak! i think one time in my life.. i've done some of these things..hehehe

At 3:39 AM, Blogger impworks said........
Most of those can apply to men just as easily as women too.

Great TT :-)

At 7:43 PM, Blogger gwapasila said........
musta an Ems?

At 3:45 PM, Anonymous anne said........
hi how are you po... ngaun lang ako naka dalaw dito ulit kasi pagal ng internet ko nagun lang ako nagranted ng mabilis na loading sa page mu... anyway whats about thursday thirteen... pwede ba mag sign up?

At 11:20 AM, Blogger Lara Angelina said........
Great post and very true. As one who was married for 15 years and have been lucky enough to find a great guy I've been dating for 4 years, I have gone thru many of these things. I believe my one big FEAR was making the same mistake again. Luckily, I didn't!
thanks for stopping and great TT!!

At 11:21 AM, Blogger Lara Angelina said........
Oh, did I say I got divorced after 15 years??? I read that and cracked myself up. Yup.. Married for 15 years and finally found the REAL Mr. Right that I've been dating for 4. Really --- I got divorced first!!!