I remembered one night just a few days after you left me with a broken heart, I wrote this in the pages of my diary..
"One day I will be able to look you in the eye without feeling any pain from the heartache you caused me. One day I will be able to stand next to you without wanting to hold your hand and kiss your lips. One day I'll get over you. And one day you will only be just a memory..."
I never thought that day would eventually come true. I never really believed that I can totally get over you. I always thought that there's a space in my heart that can only be filled by you. Although I knew we are just not meant to be no matter how much we want it, it just can't be. I just love you so much, it hurts like crazy that you can never be mine, no matter how hard I try. There was even a time that I can't even breathe without thinking of you first. You are the love of my life.. I never really loved anyone else the way that I loved you.
I have dream of that "One Day" but I never really wished for it. And last night has been that "One Day" that I stood next to you without feeling anything special, I looked into your eyes and it felt nothing, I was waiting for my heart to beat fast the way it used to when I'm near you but na-da.
I should be rejoicing, after all it took me years to finally get over you then why am I feeling a bit sad?
Maybe a part of me doesn't want to let you go, not because I'm still holding on nor am I still hoping there could still be a chance for us. I simply wanted to keep you in my heart until the day comes that I can love again like I did before, maybe even more. But last night, after confirming that you are no longer the love of my life I feel so empty, that I ran out of excuse for not having someone in my life. Its sad and... I don't know, maybe I'm just tired and this feeling will go away in time.
Labels: letting go, love, personal
I have always said that whether we like it or not, people simply come and go. We have to accept that part, swallow that bitter pill, so to speak. Otherwise, there is no other way for us to move on and freed ourselves from the clutches of a relationship that failed.
Read this if you please: http://my-sense-and-sensibility.blogspot.com/2007/05/sting-of-foolish-decisions.html
Have a great weekend emmy, as always.