One of the famous line from Jerry Maguirre and that is exactly what I am feeling tonight. My heart is suffering from emotional turmoil again. I was caught off guard and my protective shield became powerless from the four letter word called L-O-V-E...
Tonight was supposed to be a night of hanging out with old friends and enjoying a classical music from a choir concert sponsored by our church. I didn't really wanna go, I didn't plan to but my friends were so persistent. I wasn't expecting to see "him" again, I knew that this kind of show bores him so I anticipated that I won't be seeing him there, but fate has something different in store for us. The moment I stepped on the concert venue, he was there at the lobby, smiling at me almost expecting that I am gonna be there. I smiled back and immediately went inside to find my seat. I was telling myself, just be cool about it.. pretend he's not there and just enjoy the show. A few minutes later the empty seat next to me was occupied by the very same man who occupies my heart and my mind, and who was smiling at me at the entrance. He was as surprised as I was and all we could say was "hello" that was the first word we spoke to each other after we parted ways nearly six months ago. I was caught off guard, suddenly I just wanted to go home.
I don't know if I should leave or what, but I could not sit next to him for the next two hours. I just don't think I can last that long pretending that his presence does not affect me. I tried to look away and concentrate on the powerful voices that surrounds the auditorium but my heart is beating so fast, I am suddenly grasping for air. My hands were shaking and blame it on the air-conditioning but I am so cold. He asked if "I'm alright", I told him "I'm fine..." He said that he's not and he misses me. At that moment I just want to break down and cry, but I just looked at him. There are no words that can explain how much I love him, that it hurts to know that he feels the same way but we cannot be together. It is just complicated!
That was I think one of the longest two hours that I had in my life and when the show was over, I hurriedly went outside since I know most of the people who watched I let myself be surrounded by them so that I won't have to bump with him again. As my friends and I left the auditorium, I can't help but look back to just catch a last glimpse of him and I saw him watching me walk away... While having coffee everyone was in high spirits and I just want to go home, and it was like a curse or something but there he is again, with his friends and since we all know each other and ours was a secret affair that nobody knows we had to pretend that we're cool about each other. Suddenly, it was like old times. I was awfully quiet all night, and everyone thought I am probably getting sick again but I just told them that I am tired and I need to take off. Suddenly, he offered to give me a ride home and how can I say no in front of everybody... The moments in that car was unbearable, something that I cannot write about just yet but one thing is for sure, love will always find a way and if it's meant to be, it will be. But this is just not the right time for both of us, there are certain things that needs to be taken care of first and maybe someday, we can be together but today is not that day.
Sometimes fate plays a cruel game on mortals. We bump on the very person we least want to see or is it we really want to see? I don't know what God wants to do in your life. All I know is that, He has a wonderful plan just for you. Whether it involves the guy you just bumped into or not, only God knows. I just pray that God will be merciful on you and finally give you the man of your dreams. I wish you all the best in life, my friend. You deserve nothing but the very best. God bless you and do have a more pleasant and agreeable day.