This is the first Christmas that I don’t have him by my side. I was already anticipating a sudden gush of loneliness with the thought that he won’t be calling at the strike of midnight at Christmas eve, I can no longer receive personalized and unique gifts from him and we won’t be dragging each other to go to each of our family dinner. I do miss him and even though I have slowly started to let him go the holidays just makes it too difficult to forget that he’s no longer a part of my life. Today, as expected everyone was asking about him, even my six year old nephew was looking for him and I just smiled and kept my silence. For ten years, he has been a part of my life, my best friend, my boyfriend and everything else it’ll be a lie if I’ll say that he didn't left a void in my heart, the day we both decided it was time to move on and let go. I thought I’m ready, that I have truly freed myself with memories of him but tonight after all the festivity and the rush of the holidays, I was feeling that void that he left and wondering if it can ever be filled by someone else again.
Labels: letting go, love, personal