Saturday, July 21, 2007
Written almost five years ago.. just wanna share it with you..

In the past year, I’ve lost a lot. Things have dramatically changed in my life that now I somehow feel lost. I remember a professor in college once told our class that the only constant thing in this world is change, and that every human must be equipped with these changes. I know for a fact that He was telling the truth but I must admit that I’ve always had a hard time coping up with change, I constantly wanted things to stay the way they are. As time passes by, I found myself in a relentless battle of wanting to turn back time and go on living in the past. I try not to have many regrets in my life, because despite everything I am quite thankful for the experiences that contributed to who I am today.

It’s been two years since I graduated from college and bumping with an old friend reminded me of how much I miss that part of my life. When life was still so simple, I miss just hanging around a friend’s dorm and the endless chatting. It’s amazing how things could change in just two years. I was doing great after college, I found a great job, a wonderful family, my friends can still hang out and I’ve got somebody who loves me. It may seem to you that I got everything. Yes, I think did! I was on my road to success and the future ahead looks so promising. I almost got everything I wanted for my life and I thought it would stay that way. It turns out I was very wrong.

You can never really realize how God can change all things in just a snap, in a blink of an eye… It all happened in one morning when I woke up with fever and can’t feel my body from waist down, I can hardly move. No amount of medical explanation can make me understand what happened to me. I was diagnosed to have a rare disease that even with the modern technology can’t quite explain how and why I got it. For six months, I battled for this sickness and depression found its way on me. I was terrified, I am only 24 yrs old how can it be happening to me? I often ask God, why does it have to be me? What have I done to deserve this? I was living an almost perfect life, then why all this? There were so many nights that all I could do was cry and I wanted so much to hate God for allowing me to suffer. During the sickness, I have to quit my job, I couldn’t go anywhere because I couldn’t walk, I stopped seeing my friends for I don’t want them to take pity on me, I lost the love of someone whom I thought was the one for me, I lost a father and amidst all that I somehow lost myself.

You would say that it’s enough reason for me to be angry with God but I’m not, I can’t be mad to the One I owe everything with, to the One who had blessed me with such wonderful things. But I knew that my life will never be the same, I will never be the same. Somewhere between the anguish, the hopelessness and the pain made me drift away to the way I used to be. Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss myself the most. How do I find me? Where should I start? And sometimes I wonder if I wanted the old me to be found.

Slowly, I’m getting back on track. I got my job back, reunited with some old friends and enjoying with newfound buddies and a new me. Am I happy? Hmm, I’m getting there, but there are still times that I wished that things didn’t have to change. It still brings me to tears and sleepless nights. I have so much to be thankful for, this is my second chance in life and I may still screw up from time to time but one thing I learned from the past was… everything happens for a reason, for a purpose and we may not truly comprehend why it was brought to us, perhaps it is simply meant to be. God knew that I was losing my path towards Him that’s why He made sure that I’d come back into His arms. There was no way that I could have predicted the future and there is nothing I can do to bring back the past, so I might as well live my life each day as it comes.

Finding me… Nah, I don’t have to. I am already found!

By: Emmyrose©

July 27, 2002

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12:24 AM |


At 6:51 AM, Blogger Mel Avila Alarilla said........
Hi Emmyrose,
What a powerful and awe inspiring post you made. My God, you have the gift of a novelist. Your post has a heart and soul of its own. It is as if you speak directly to your readers. Very emotional and compelling. I marvel at the depth of you emotions. I'm so sorry that you have to undergo all those traumatic experiences early in your life. But as you said, God may have a plan for you and only He knows the wonderful ways He uses to accomplish that plan. We just have to trust in His unfailing love and tender mercies.

Thank you for that epic like post. I was deeply touched by it.

God bless you with all the finest things in life.

At 6:16 PM, Blogger Emmyrose said........
Thank you so much Bro.Mel.

I am deeply moved by your comment.

God bless!

At 12:10 PM, Blogger Annie & Jheng Quiambao said........
Hi ! I accidentally found your blog and caught up my attention on one of your posting... Indeed GOD always gives us trials that he knew we can overcome -- remember..
In our changing world, we can always depend on our unchanging GOD. Hope this finds you well. And do pray for whatever trials you may have.

At 10:51 PM, Blogger rich said........
yup change is constant. We can't stop it from happening and only God knows why...

I have an entry din sa blog that discussed yung feeling mo in this entry