I was a bit hesitant to share this photo to the blogging world, well for starters I really don't look good in here but this may not be one of my best photo but it certainly is the most memorable one.
Taken exactly two years ago, when I fell into coma and was sent to the ICU wing of the hospital. That experience changed who I am today, it taught me a lot of things that I am grateful for and if there is one defining moment in one's life, this is mine.
I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, that God allows even our darkest hour to bring us into the light. God is a God of second chances and I can only bring back the glory to Him by sharing to everyone how God marveled in my life during those nights at the ICU.
September 26, 2005 - I was admitted to the hospital for my second session of chemo therapy, I was actually relaxed and even brought my laptop with me. Everything went well the first time that’s why I didn’t worry that much. I was actually getting used to the pain from the needle shots and I was even texting to my cancer-patient friend whom I met during my first chemo session, she was encouraging me and gave me advice that whenever the needles touches my skin to let my mind drift and wander to wherever I wanna be, just to forget about the pain and I comforted myself by the thought that it will be over soon.
But that night, I don’t exactly know what happened but I fell into coma and almost died. I remember I was half conscious but everything was blurred, I can hear voices, screaming and crying. The medical staff was in chaos and the next thing I knew I’m at the ICU of the hospital, the nurses told me that I was unconscious for almost 18 hours and its a miracle that I am awake. I called for my mom but they say I can’t see her until the allowed visiting time, I was terrified there were tubes everywhere connected to my body and there was an oxygen tube in my nostrils… I can’t move and I want to know what’s going on.
Why am I here?
My heart monitor kept on making an alarming sound, they said that my heart is so weak and my pulse is falling. But I feel fine and I wanna go home. I didn’t understand then what was happening, they just wouldn’t tell me anything and not knowing kills me more. I’m the kind of person who hates surprises, I want to know everything and I want everything to be according to my plan. And lying there helplessly at the ICU bed was not part of my plan and I found myself asking God, trying to spill out what He wants from me.
I spent five days at the ICU, going through a lot of painful medical procedures and many times I was surrounded by an overwhelming silence, almost deafening. I have been a born again christian for most of my life, there was no doubt in my mind that God exists but during those times I had a fall out from my church, I was so angry with God and everyone else that I kept my distance to Him, it even came to the point that I stopped praying but at that moment God used my brokenness, called me again into His arms and I just felt like I'm home. I often told myself that I am not lost, I know my way and I know which way to go but I just had a pause, maybe I got stuck from somewhere and somehow drifted away. But that experience revived me, it literally brought me back to life and I can only thank and praise God for giving me another shot in life.