When I was younger, I wanted a fairy tale. I'm a certified fairy-tale junkie and I've always love happy endings and I often envision myself of having one someday. Back then, I thought I just needed my prince to come and rescue me and we shall live happily ever after. I honestly thought a certain perfect love exists.
The first time I fell in love, it seemed everything was beautiful. I was so happy that I thought my dream had finally come true, I have my prince and my happy ending. But as years passed by, I was awaken by the cruel realization that my fairy tale is only but a joke. I felt deceived and betrayed, that my happy ending ain't no happy at all. My first love turned out to be the most painful event in my life.
Most often than not young loves are more hopeful... more naive... I was blinded by so much love that I failed to see that it was all in my fantasy. After my first heartbreak, I remembered crying an ocean of tears and I felt my heart breaking, literally. I lost faith in love. Nothing seemed to work out the way I hoped they would. Love broke my heart and shattered my dreams. There's no magic, certainly not a fairy tale. I guess my broken heart made me forget of what love really is. Love after all, is a mystical feeling, even in the depths of one's soul can never comprehend. It is something profound and indeed powerful.
It's a heavenly feeling to love and be loved. Some are lucky to find true love and be able to keep it. Some will just continue dreaming, hoping that one day love will come into their lives. But some do spend their whole lives waiting. I don't know what destiny had in store for me, but lately I am starting to have faith in love again. I am starting to believe that God only wants the best for me and He wants me to be happy. Love doesn't always carry with it a guarantee of happiness. It can be the most beautiful feeling anyone can experience but it can also bring severe pain. It can wound our hearts and leave it bleeding for a long time. If you're idea of love is something perfect, if you're looking for a fairy tale. I'm sorry but it's definitely not here. But hey, the pain love brings should not make us bitter but better persons.Let us not be afraid to fall in love, as the saying goes "it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." I've stopped looking for love for I'm so tired of the chase now. I just can't bear to lose again. My frail heart just couldn't handle another heartbreak so this time I'm giving love the chance to find me and I have immense faith in God that He alone has the best laid plans in my life. My ever after may not be a fairy tale but I just know someday I'll have my "lived happily ever after".
January 21, 2003